To the first boy that broke my heart:
I tried so hard to find a redeeming quality about our relationship. I tried so many times to make it work. When that didn’t happen, I asked myself over and over what I did wrong to make you not love me. Then, when I ran into you over spring break, it hit me: There is nothing I ever could have done to make this relationship right. I am not the reason for your unhappiness, and I am not the reason why you didn’t treat me well. You are. Your unhappiness, our fights, were because you had decided that you were unhappy, and there was not a person in the world who could make you think otherwise. And although I tortured myself for months because of that, I have realized that I deserve better. I deserve better than having to walk home through a dangerous part of town at 3:00 AM because you “felt sad”. I deserve better than you telling me that I’m the reason for your unhappiness. I deserve better than all the things you put me through, and I’ve been to hung up blaming myself to realize it. I deserve better than you texting me about the prestigious internship you got, because “you miss telling me things”. Quite frankly, I deserve better.
To the friend who will always put boys before me:
I understand. You don’t like me that much. That’s fine. You really like your guy friends. That’s fine. But talking badly about people you call your friends to make you look better is not fine. Saying how “annoying” I am and purposefully excluding me from events is not fine. That being said, I don’t blame you. I get that you want to be popular. Don’t we all? However, don’t expect me to sit by and try to find time for a group of people that will hurt me whenever it is convenient. You tell people that I’m mean to you and don’t talk to you, however you don’t ever try to reach out because you have better things to do.
To all of you:
I forgive you. Some of you will stay in my life, others won’t. Honestly, I’m not sure about anything in the future. But no matter what happens, I truly hope you find happiness, and find people that you want to be kind and loving to. I’m not even sure you know that you’ve upset me, or how hurt I feel. Honestly, at this point it doesn’t matter. Because college is about appreciating life, learning, and finding people who fill you with love and appreciation. I’m going to find those people, and I hope you do too, no matter whether it is me or not.